i cant take this any longer ive been in my room for years now i finally got to DIY once i turned 18 and could make a bank account of my own with the little money i had and i dont have anything any money to buy any selfcare or anything i have crippling dysphoria i look horrible i want to die and my parents want me off hrt and locked up in a psych ward

i was diagnosed with gd at 15 tho i knew before i was trans i knew about transitioning i always wanted to do it but my environment was horrible transphobic rightwing conservative people everywhere all around who hated and made fun of trannies jocks bullied gay kids and most girls were also mean towards queer people

and well since 15 ive been locked up in many places by my parents often medicated with psych drugs and held in wards for teens i wasnt able to study i lost track of academics got severely depressed and demotivated and now i cant barely function i used to go on doom walks but now i cant even anymore in fear of parents barging into my room

theyve been scheming to do something against me again and have warned me themselves and made a lot of hints hell not only that they’ve directly told me and I don’t know what to do anymore

I have nowhere to go im basically a neet with no hs degree (spanish equivalent of it) and no work experience either i cant even look at my grotesque fugly manmoder gorilla face on the mirror and sometimes I spend entire days crying and have barely eaten anything in months

I dont know what to do anymore ive tried everything i just cant none will take me in id be okay with sleeping on the floor at this point

for more info i live in some shithole town in the middle of nowhere in southern spain and i dont know anyone irl who i can go to im completely isolated and im afraid of calling social services because everyone knows eachother here and its horrible this is no big city

im crossposting from /lgbt/ btw made the original thread there
>>>/lgbt/39326451

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depressed suicidal boymoder in rural spain with hateful unsupportive parents