>>32565372
>autistic
Try to study normal people's faces and normal people's reactions to different social situations. Treat human interaction like a puzzle to solve. Intelligent, high-functioning people on the autism spectrum are able to get better-than-normie social skills far later in life. But only if they consistently study it like they'd study a puzzle video game or a coding course or a car engine dismantling youtube video. Figure out what behaviors of yours get good reactions from others and pay attention to which specific behaviors get bad reactions.

>ugly
>>>/fa/
>>>/fit/
Ugly people manage to fall in love and have kids all the time. You'll be able to as well once you socialize better, so long as you keep trying hard and dont give up

>chronically ill
Ooof. Details?

>trying to distract myself playing pokemon but my life is too miserable so I cant focus on the game
When you're that miserable, try to get angry. Angry at your life, angry at society, whatever. Then use that anger as motivation to do something productive. Focus on one tiny, fixable problem in your life. Figure out what daily pattern or routine it would take to work on fixing this problem. Then while you're still pissed off at the useless fucking failure that is your life, use the anger as the fuel that fires you forward into this new routine.

>Any way I can fix the loneliness
>I dont want friends.
Rethink that shit. Clearly you do. So meet other spergs. Learn a spergy social hobby that involves meeting regularly with others - D&D, Magic cards, Warhammer, whatever. Hang out with others who look like your caliber of lonely loser. They'll be just as eager to make friends as you are.

>and suicidal ideation?
Friends will help for starters. A sense of moving forward with some aspect of your life that was previously stagnant will also help.

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I'm bored of living