>>32567294
(cont)
Ask yourself, why do I feel these things? There's something beneath all of the things that you just wrote down, you need to understand them for yourself. Here's my interpretation:
>I'm not capable of taking care of the people i love
I hear, "I keep those I love in my thoughts, I am constantly worried about whether or not I am being good to them; whether I am good enough for them".
>I will eventually fuck everyone over and they will do the same way to me
I hear, "I'm afraid of making mistakes; I'm afraid others won't forgive my mistakes".
> I'm not smart, i m literally living in everyone else's shadow. I don't have anything special to me, my own senses tell me that I am an empty cage. I can't stand it. I feel handicapped and I don't want to keep it like this.
I hear, "I'm not good enough; I want to better myself, but I don't know how"
>I have short time spans when I want to get my shit together, but i end up paralysed by my own thoughts. I'm stuck to this, feeling miserable and pitying myself
I hear, "I tried as hard as I could, but it wasn't enough"
As >>32564843 alluded to, these are short because they're unsustainable because you doubt and analyse everything that you do about whether or not it's "correct".

It seems to me that you put unreasonable expectations on yourself; that you're terrified of making mistakes, of not being perfect. These are very normal things to be overwhelmed by, noone is perfect. A chinese philosopher Lao Tzu talks about this: "If you try to change it, you will ruin it. Try to hold it, and you will lose it.".

I empathize with your struggles, because they're similar to mine. My apologies if I projected. The key for me was understanding that to better embody myself, the purest and greatest expression of myself: I couldn't do that by trying; I had to let go.

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>20f>college student, didn't get into the field I wanted but still stem related>have few friends, a loving bf>always been…

>20f
>college student, didn't get into the field I wanted but still stem related
>have few friends, a loving bf
>always been…