>>277566179
Yes, but in your case it wasn't idealized like in fiction. When I say “I wish that were me.” I of course mean the actual rapechad experience:

The virgin real life rape:
>Rapist is seldom pretty
>Rapist violently pins you down as to facilitate the rape or otherwise threatens you with some kind of weapon or drugs you to the point that you don't even realize or remember if you're lucky
>Rapist mostly cares about his own pleasure, not yours
>At best rapist shout “shut up and be quiet”
>All you can think is “gross, ewl, I hate this... please, stop... I beg you,, eeewl, nooo”
>Rapist could have chosen anyone, you were just around
>Dirty room background scenery
>Makes you feel violated and sick with both your rapist and yourself

The chad idealized romantized fictional rape:
>Rapist is highly good looking
>Rapists gently holds you down at best
>Somehow the rapist is more concerned with your pleasure than his own
>Rapist gently whispers “Why... your body seems honest... truly... you're prey of the finest quality... why don't you just admit you want this you dirty slut...?” in your ear
>What you think is “Why... I hate him, and yet... when he looks at me with those eyes my body just stops listening to me and I can't say no to him any more...”
>The rape is proof that the rapist is uncontrollably attracted to you and how special you are
>Sparkly flowerprint background scenery for whateve reason
>Makes you feel pretty and desirable and eventually fall in love with your rapist

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>Uh oh, the hot guy is going to rape me and it's all because I provoked him. What should I do? Should I kick him? Oh no, he's already…